Today, I want to address both men and women. However, I will specifically address the ladies for most of this blog post. My hope is that this blog post will help women to see their worth as God's daughters and allow them to see that the right man would never want you to "need" him for the wrong reasons. Men bare with me.
What exactly do I mean by today's blog title? First, I want to say so that I am not misunderstood, I am not a radical feminist. I do not hate men. Many of my points today will apply to men as well in their relationships with women. However, I have seen needs in the wrong places play out terribly for more women than men. I saw the same wrong needs play out terribly in my own marriage for me.
What I mean is simply this: ladies, come to a relationship with you as a complete person who has gifts you can add to the relationship. The right man will want a women who adds to his life, not one that is dependent and "needs" him for every little thing. The right man will only need your companionship, mutual respect and your love. He will come with his self-security and his financial life already intact. Ladies, you must also come with your self-security and financial life already intact. Your only "needs" should mirror his, love, mutual respect and companionship. This is exactly what I want in my next marriage. In fact, I will not accept anything else. I will bring my sense of self-security and my financial life into the relationship already intact. I will not need him for money or self-esteem. These are dangerous reasons to enter into a relatioship of any kind - you put yourself as a woman into a position to accept less than the best when you do this. You also put yourself in a position to potentially be abused. You are God's daughter, you deserve nothing but the best. To borrow a phrase from my pastor, you are too good a creation to allow yourself to be abused and used.
Allow me to explain it this way. The wrong man is only interested in one thing; meeting his own needs. He will either be lazy and passive to get those needs met or he will be domineering to get those needs met. In both cases, your needs will not be considered. This man, regardless of the way he behaves, has no sense of self-security nor love for himself. He needs and wants those things from someone else - he refuses to be responsible for himself. This man can be financially irresponsible and will use you to meet his financial needs. These man may also be domineering and want you to be completely dependent on him for everything whether that be money, self-security or making decisions. Do you see how "needing" a man for the wrong reasons will set you up with the wrong man? Ladies, do you want a man who has not taken responsibility for his emotions nor his life? I don't, period. Men, this applies to you too. You need to ask yourself the same questions about a woman as well.
Let's be responsible for ourselves ladies and gentlemen. Let's bring our gifts to the relationship to help the other person. Being responsible for yourself will attract the right people to you and deter those who want to use or abuse you - hence those that "need" you to fulfill their unmet needs. This will also keep you from "needing" people for the wrong reasons.
I want to address men and women here as I close for today. Who or what are you "needing" today that is not good for you? Jesus can be the security you need. You are His daughter and His son and He loves you. Only He meets our deepest of needs. When we walk in His ultimate security, everything else falls into place, including the right man or woman.
Walking in His security,