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  • Elizabeth R Billingsley

The Relationship Game Player


Hello everyone! I hope you all had a great Labor Day holiday! I had four days off and it was very enjoyable. The summer is almost over and that is so hard to believe! 

I wanted to take today’s blog to talk about those people in our lives who are relationships game players – whether that be friendships or dating relationships. I have recently come to understand that two people in my life, “friends”, are these players. These individuals enjoy baiting and switching and one was constantly trying to turn the talk in a romantic direction even though he knew where I stood. In the past few days, I have decided the conversation switch will be turned to the off position. These men simply do not get where I stand with them. I know I did the best thing for me. People like that are very tiring and emotionally draining. God has too much for me to waste my time with game players in friendship or otherwise. 

What does this look like you ask? Allow me to describe a relationship game player.

I noted earlier the “bait and switch” method. Bait and switch simply refers to acting interested in doing something, going somewhere or acting emotionally attached only to move in another direction entirely when any kind of committed action is required. For example, a friend or even boyfriend/girlfriend may make plans with you only to bail at the last second or come up with some other excuse. I am not talking about one occurrence – I am talking about a pattern of behavior. These type of people treat you like you are toy on a string to be played with at their whim. They have no intention of being a friend or a good partner. They just want to literally jerk you around and keep you “hanging out waiting on them” because they do not know what they want out of life. They also don’t want to define your relationship if this is a romantic interest. They will intentionally keep it foggy or say, “we will see how it goes” – then they will suddenly act more interested only to pull out of a commitment again, cancel plans or downplay a conversation you had. You will feel like you are in a teen drama. This is actually emotional manipulation and an attempt to control you because their emotions and their lives are out of control. 

I mentioned an attempt to turn conversations to romance when I had made it clear there was no romance in the relationship. This is also an attempt to manipulate and control your feelings. This makes this person feel better about their own emotions and lack of emotional maturity. The reality is this: they have no real interest in dating you or loving you. They do not know what they want and they have no intention of discovering that anytime soon. They are having fun playing the field and playing emotional games with you. You are actually their backup plan – you are not their priority. I can pinpoint one other person who was treating me this way awhile back – this person is no longer in my life. 

These two current gentlemen have been found to be lacking in friendship or otherwise and can be “friends” at a distance as far as I’m concerned – meaning they won’t hear from me. 

Do you want to be the backup plan? Do you want to always wonder where someone stands with you? Do you want to wonder if someone will follow through? I don’t want to have these questions in my mind every time I talk to someone or try to be in relationship with them. I don’t have to put up with this and neither do you. I want people whose yes can be yes and their no can be no (Matthew 5:37). I want you to know there are plenty of real friends out there and much better people to be in relationship with, whether it be friendship or romantic. Don’t be the toy on the string. Don’t be emotionally manipulated. You are worth so much more than this! Find friends and partners who see your value and know your worth. We have too much to give and too much to do to accept otherwise in this life! 

Never settle! Not playing games, Elizabeth  


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