Lies and Deep Wounds
Hello everyone! I can’t believe November is two days away! Where did the year go? It has been a good year for me - a year of regrouping and learning about myself. It has been a year of spiritual, mental and relational transformation for me. God is still working on me! He has shown me that there are still things deep in my heart He is healing – and that leads us to today’s topic – lies and deep wounds.
Last week, a friend posted a marriage video and it showed up in my timeline as I was taking few minutes to scroll. This was a wonderful video of a bride and groom and the groom was telling the bride divorce was not an option and just as Jesus had extended forgiveness to both of them, he would extend forgiveness to her no matter what they went through in their life. I watched the short video and then just sat there, seething. Yes seething, not at my friend, but at the message of this video. How I managed to write a sane comment on this post must have been Jesus because I was not calm on the inside. My friend and I had a short conversation about how all marriages should be like this one. I went on to point out I hoped he was not faking and end up abusive in 6 months. We exchanged a few more thoughts and then went on our way, getting on with the day. I, however, was still seething. The day moved on and I was home later on that evening and I returned to this post and watched it again – this is unusual for me. I looked at my comments and thought to myself – where did that come from? Why did I get mad? Why did you assume he would become mean or abusive? What bothered you so much about this little video? I decided to pray about this emotional response for the rest of the week. Something in my heart was amiss.
In the past few weeks, I had sensed within myself there were things unhealed – deep things in my heart going back to my late husband’s suicide and the abuse beforehand. I had already asked the Lord to begin healing those deep places – places I may not even be aware of with hurt or places I had purposely looked over (we do that with pain because it is uncomfortable). Well, He answers prayers. On Sunday and Monday the Lord began to show me exactly why I had reacted so strangely to something that was innately good last week. I have no idea when I accepted this lie or when I let it find a place in my heart and bury itself there. When my husband died, many things were left unresolved and unsaid. My picture of marriage was not exactly rosy and I had been left with more questions than answers. Since that time, I’ve learned a lot of answers but in doing so, I allowed a lie to penetrate my heart about marriage and the condition of men in general – this is proof that although knowledge can be good, it doesn’t heal you and sometimes it is not what is needed to deal with lies. This lie was dangerous in the fact that it could cause me to close off my heart to all love, including the love of family and friends much less marriage – in fact, I do believe now that was the motive of such a lie. This subtle lie said to my heart – “Marriage is not like that (a covenant). There are no men like that. They will all lie to you in the end. Better to keep people, particularly men, at a distance so you won’t get hurt.” This lie came perhaps in the early stages of grief a few years ago or within a time after that – I do not know. What I do know is it buried itself in my heart and there is has festered and sickened a part of my heart – an attempt to turn my heart to stone. I have felt this in the past few months. Jesus revealed this to me when I was ready, and He wants to clean that dark, sick place out now. I’m going to let Him, no matter how much it hurts. I am not afraid anymore! It may not be pretty and it may not be comfortable but it will well be worth it not to miss out on all the good things He has for me!
You see, we must let Him clean out the deep wounds in our hearts. My late husband died because he would not let Jesus heal the deep wounds of his heart. The deep wounds are caused by lies we do not know we carry – or perhaps we do and we don’t know what to do to get rid of the pain. We try drugs, we try alcohol, and we try hiding (this was me too). Only His love and His care can treat these wounds for they are made by the lies of an Enemy who knows only one thing – that he wishes to destroy us all. He will do this subtly, anyway he can and with anyone or anything he can. I wanted to take today and be transparent with you as I always am to show you that we are not immune to subtle lies. We are also never too far gone even when we believe these lies – He stands ready to heal us if we will but let Him. I have asked this question before - what lies are you believing? I will add to that – what lies are you believing that have buried themselves deep in your heart? Are there emotional responses you have that you can’t explain? Are there places Jesus still needs to heal?
He has begun the deep healing he needs to do in me. Will you not let him do so for you? It does not matter what you have experienced or by whose hand you experienced the awful things in your life – you can be healed, deeply and completely! How do you do this? Start with surrendering yourself to Jesus and then ask Him about the deep places – He will show you. Reject the lies He shows you – write it down and say it vocally. Trust Him in the process. He has good things for you that He will not withhold.
Here is what I now choose to believe (I have both verbalized this and it is now in written form) and it is the truth as God has revealed to me: Marriage can be like “that” – there can be a covenant that is unbreakable. There can be forgiveness. There are men like that who do love their wives and want to do what is best for them and their families. There are men who will work with you, not against you. All men do not lie. Keeping people at a distance only makes me lonely and I get hurt worse. In isolation, I wither and die. Do you see how the lie speaks death and the truth speaks life? Would you rather not believe the truth? I would and I do! Now to begin building a life with this truth as it replaces the lie, day by day. No, that does not mean I run out and find someone immediately to marry, the Lord is still working on me. It may not even mean I do marry again; what it does mean is that my heart will not be closed to love from others and to loving others from the love Jesus has given me. I hope this makes sense to you.
Allow Jesus to touch the deep places of your heart. He has good things for you! He will walk with you just as He is walking with me. Don’t be afraid! Love, Elizabeth