Hello everyone! I woke up this morning thinking about my late husband Jeff. There are times I do think of him. I took one of my blogs and wrote him a beautiful first letter about 5 days before Christmas, December 18th, if you want to read it. Today, I want to write another letter. I share it with you because I am not afraid of this time in my life nor does it hold me back. I write to him because in writing I can let go of what little pain is left. I can also say the remaining things I never got to say - I can also forgive in doing so. In forgiveness, there is much freedom!
This will my 2nd and last letter to my late husband, who I loved very much - even though he did not know what to do with love. I don't blame him for that. I know he is safe now. If you need to write a loved one or write down your pain so you can let go and forgive, I encourage you to do so. The load will be lighter and Jesus is a much better load bearer than we are - trust me on that one. Today I am letting go of the last of what I am holding onto from that relationship. The time has come and the time is now. Jesus can handle it and He is so very good!
When I look at your picture from all those years ago, it seems like a lifetime has passed. It will be 10 years since I met you in October of this year. Yet you are not here, that does not seem possible to me but I know it to be reality. I am writing you because there are some more things I never got to say and I need to get the pain of them out of my heart so it can completely heal. I need to let go of those things once and for all. I woke up this morning in tears knowing I needed to do this for me.
First, I know you are safe and I am well aware you will never read these words. These are more for me than they are for you. I know you would also want them to minister to the readers.
I wish you had let me go with you to counceling. I have often asked myself why you did not let me go. I know now the reason you did not is because you could not face yourself and me too. You could not lay down your pride and you honestly did not know how to face me and your own monster. You did not know how to face the past that brought you to that place. I forgive you for not being able to face yourself or me. I forgive you for not knowing how to face your past. I forgive you for your pride. I forgive you for not letting me have my say or speak my peace - for you, I know now there was never any peace. Your monster raged in your mind in ways I will never know or understand. I want you to know I understand that now. I loved you then, despite what your monster told you. I forgive you for not believing you could change. I know there were so many lies being thrown at you. I know you did not know the truth from a lie or the darkness from the light. I forgive you for not believing me when I told you I loved you and wanted to help you. I forgive you Jeff!!
I know when you walked into Heaven's light, evil ran away. I know you and Jesus sat down and talked and He welcomed you with open arms. I know you are in your right mind now and that is all that matters. I know now you are the happiest you have ever been and that makes me happy. I know you know what real love is now and I am so glad you do!
I can begin this year anew without that pain. I can let go now. I can let those places heal in the light of God's love. We will get to catch up when I get there and this world will be dim to our eyes. When I see you again, we will not speak of these things but only of the things of Heaven and of life. I let you go now Jeff. I let you go for you are with the Father and my time has not come to see you again. I let you go and I will always remember the real you. I will always love the real you. I will see you one day my love, and all things will be set right - of this I am certain.
Until we meet again on the shores of Heaven,