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I Don't Get My Value or Worth from a “Role”

Hello everyone! I get some of my best blog ideas watching the foolery on social media. Social media is rife with personalities who are trying to tell us who we are. What is honestly comical about all of this is they are trying to tell us who we are and they don't even know us personally. They aren't necessarily presenting a true version of themselves always, but they sure seem to know about you and your life. In the information age, it seems like everyone has an opinion about who you are and what you should do or be. They even try to tell us what our “role” should be in the family and in society – yet they can't really tell you much about their “role” and how all of that is working out beyond the confines of their podcast or a 30 second clip. We have given too many people a pass, a camera, and a microphone – a discussion for another time. Too many of these so-called “experts” and “brand influencers” are telling us that we get our value from what we do and the roles we have in our lives. This is simply not true! You are not “what you do”, you are so much more!

The Church is no exception to this 21st century problem. Although the Church is not telling people they “are what they do” necessarily, the Church is telling people who they are based on their “role” in the family instead of pointing people to Jesus – the Author and Finisher of their faith. I can't count how many Christian podcasts I see about men and women's “roles.” Most of these people I had never heard of until they started a Instagram account, bought a microphone, and a camera – and now suddenly they are an expert on our “roles” and identity in the Church. Please don't misunderstand me, there are good men and women inside and outside of the Church who are honestly trying to help people find their way. However, what I have noticed more often than not, are those who are trying to push a particular belief system or agenda that stands outside of the actual Gospel. In fact, it is a “gospel of culture” and has nothing to do with the true Gospel. They would like us to believe that our identity is based on our “role” in the family or society (or in what they tell us it should be), not in the person of Jesus. These “roles” are divided quite sharply between men and women and very inflexible. Roles such as “breadwinner”, “protector”, “leader” and “pastor” belong to men. Roles like “help-mate”, “nurturer”, “teacher”, and “one who submits” belong to women. If they do emphasize societal roles, they place great emphasis on roles within society based entirely on gender like “mother”, “father”, “wife”, “husband.” They place so much emphasis on these roles that you can't tell where the persons begins and the role ends and vice versa. In fact, it is hard to determine whether they believe we are uniquely, divinely created individuals or walking “roles.” This type of “gospel” leaves no room for God-given creativity or individual calling or talents. I am hear to tell you, and I will shout this from the roof tops – you do not get your value or your identity from a “role” someone else says you are supposed to fulfill – I don't care if it is from the Church! I don't get my identity or value from a human-designed “role!”

Let me address the elephant in the room both for the Church and this society. Not every woman is called to be a mother and not every man is called to be a father. Not every man or woman has the ability to be a mother or father. Not every man or woman has the desire to become a parent. Some people are put in impossible situations in relationships and adding children would be disastrous. Not every woman is called to be a wife and not every man is called to be a husband – not everyone has these desires. People actually live fulfilled, happy lives as single people. Not every man has to be the sole bread winner and not every women has to stay at home. Women can be leaders, even in the Church! Men can take behind the scenes roles and not lose their supposed “man card.” Men and women are meant to submit to each other and work together in relationships – to be partners standing together. If you do not have children, aren't married, don't want to be married and don't want to have kids – you aren't less valuable and don't have less worth – I don't care what society or culture is telling you.

What are we doing to ourselves? Who told us these are the “roles” we must fulfill to be happy? Who told us these are our “roles” for that matter? Who told us “what we do is who we are?” Have we ever stopped to ask ourselves these questions? If we base our entire identity on what we do (profession/skill) and our “role”, when what we do changes or when our “role” changes within the family because of things beyond our control, then what? Do you see how shaky that philosophy is? Do you see the futility in assigning your worth, value, and identity to a “role”, profession, or skill? Do you see how you actually don't value yourself much if you do?

I know I asked a lot questions but I really want us to think about this identity issue. I want us to understand that the only Person who can tell us who we really are is Jesus Christ. He knows you anyway and he's not scared of you or your past. You did not surprise him before now and you won't surprise him at the present time. He knows your faults, ambitions, desires, passions, dreams, and fears. He knows your pain, who or what caused your pain, and what it takes to heal your pain. He knows you and he is truly the only one who knows you and accepts you fully without asking you to meet some silly standard or fulfill some “role”. He is the only Person who will tell me who I am. He made you and me. He made us all unique with wonderful gifts, interests, and talents. Only the Creator can tell the created who they are because only he fully knows. Some of the created don't get to tell the others who they are, not now not ever. They did not make you. They did not give you your gifts, talents, and uniqueness so they don't get to tell you who you are, not now now ever. I don't care if the "they” is the pastor, your mom, your dad, your spouse, your best friend, a social media influencer or pod caster, or your boss. They don't get to tell you who you are or the “role” you must absolutely play to be worthy or valuable. You already are worthy and valuable and you don't need their permission to be so.

You may be reading this and feel you don't have much value or worth beyond your “role” or what you do. You may have been told such things all your life. You may have had no one to tell you or show you differently. You may have been verbally, emotionally, and mentally abused all of your life. I hope my words today and more importantly; the words of Jesus, your Creator, will bring you much comfort and peace and begin to show you just how valuable you are:

From Luke 12:6-7; “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Jeremiah 1:5a; “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart...”

With much love,


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