Hello everyone! I write this as Halloween is coming to a close. The instrumental worship music is playing in the background and my mind turns to the many thoughts. Every time I think I'm going to speak to a particular topic, Jesus changes my course. I have learned to go with His flow.
I want to begin my thoughts with a statement I shared on my social media a few days ago:
I don't need a prince or a knight in shining armor, that is fantasy. I need a partner, a real one.
I wish I had read such a statement many years ago, what heartache it would have saved me. The time and money it would have saved me. I don't say this because I am sad. I say this because now I know the difference and I want my readers to know the difference so they don't make my mistakes. I want you to know what a real partner (and partnership) is so you will know them when you see and meet them. I
want to shine light into the dark places so any deception will be broken in your lives where relationships are concerned. I want you to be free of fantasy and the pain it brings. I write this specifically to women readers but there are many principles that will apply to men too. Let us begin our walk into the light.
What is a “Prince”?
A prince looks good on the outside. He has the perfect body, the perfect face and the perfect persona. He is charming to say the least. He says all the “right things” at the “right time.” He tells you “I am your rescue, I can save you from you.” Now ask yourself some hard questions if you dare to see past his outward appearance.
1) Is he your rescue?
2) Can he save you from you?
3) Does he really know who you are?
4) Do you really know who he is?
5) Does he let you in?
6) Can you be vulnerable with him? Is he vulnerable with you?
If you can't answer questions 3-6 in the affirmative with solid evidence or examples in your day to day life, you sweet lady have met nothing more than a fantasy “prince.” I can answer questions one and two for you – no one can rescue anyone or save anyone except Jesus Christ. “Princes” use these words to
appeal to issues of deep insecurity. This is quite clever and simply their way to catch the fish they are looking to catch (insecure women – I've been one so no judgement here). “Princes” are good for surface conversations, arm candy, and big fun but real intimacy (not sex) eludes them and will elude you with them. They are all show and the facade won't stand up to time. When you seek greater intimacy, you will
find they have no stay. You will find yourself holding your heart that perhaps you gave away only to have it broken and then returned to you in pieces as he goes off to find another woman to catch, another one he doesn't have to be real with on his terms. This ladies and gentlemen is a “prince.” Handsome and confident on the outside; an empty, hollow, and frightened man on the inside. Ladies, you can do better. I
can only hope the “princes” reading this will look at the condition of their hearts.
What is a “Knight” or as most say, “a knight in shining armor?”
A “knight in shining armor” in many ways, is very similar to a “prince.” The only difference is he actually “rides in” and swoops you emotionally off your feet and may actually take you out of a difficult situation. He looks good. He sounds good. He came when you needed him most, but beware, he has other conquests to consider. When he has finished what he believes to be “rescuing you”, do not be surprised if he leaves you to go “rescue” the next “damsel in distress.” “Knights” have “savior” complex and believe many women can't live without their help. They look for needy women or insecure women who don't know who they are. These men thrive on drama, interrupting drama, and being the “hero.” If they aren't constantly rescuing a woman from something, they aren't interested and they won't stick around longenough to truly know you. Intimacy eludes them, they prefer “rescue” and “the chase.” Their superficial “shine” and their ego suffer if you don't need their constant doting, affirmation, and/or attention. Handsome, confident, seemingly strong, and shiny on the outside; unsettled, emotionally needy men on the inside. Ladies, you can do better. I hope the “knights” reading this consider the condition of their hearts.
Now for the part that hits home. Ladies and gentlemen, I fell for the “prince” who wanted so desperately to be my “knight” who in the end did not know who he was. He could not be the partner he so wanted tobe all of his life. He and I both were caught up in fantasy. A “prince” and a “knight” are not partners nor can they be partners; they are simply labels for fantasy, feel-good, ideas to keep us from looking at the
real issues in a relationship and in each other. I call you higher. I call you to something greater.
I call you to true partnership in your relationships with real partners. What is partnership? Partnership is two whole, equal people who compliment one another (not two half-whole people thinking they can make one another whole – 50% and 50% doesn't make 100% in the human heart). Two people who can be vulnerable and yet safe with one another. Two people who know each other's secrets, triumphs, fears and pain yet still choose to walk together day by day. A partner is your friend, your lover, your confidant, and your iron-sharpener. A partner will laugh with you, cry with you, and let you be angry, and still love you.
A partner will have the heart of Jesus and be 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 to you. Measure those vying for your attention against these things and these alone. Accept no other measure. Grieve the past relationships you need to grieve. Know that you have lived and learned as I have, and yet you still live and are fully awake
to see fantasy for what it was and is. Look to your future with hope and in the full grace of a loving Father who redeems all things. He is a giver of all good things in His good time. He will heal you just as he continues His healing work in me. His hope never disappoints. I look forward to the time when I can write about my new partner and how much he blesses my soul and my life. I look forward to the time I can share my writing with him and he can write with me if that is his passion. I look forward to sharing passions with him as we walk day by day, fulfilling all the purposes God has for us, together, equal in partnership, and great grace – for there will be nothing better this side of Heaven.
I will close with scripture from Paul's words in 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 (my measure of love and
partnership); “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
Love, grace, and peace to you,