When You Have Said All You Know To Say

October 12, 2016

Hello everyone.

 

A strange title I know. I want to address what to do when you have listened, given good advice and done all you can do for someone. That someone may be in a bad relationship, in a bad work situation or dealing with some other type of personal or family issue.

 

The truth here is you can give advice and listen and bend over backwards to support them but until they want out of the situation they are in, nothing will change for them. And nothing you say or do will change anything for them. In effect, they are stuck. 

 

People get stuck for different reasons: fear, co-dependency, people-pleasing (me), boundary issues (me), financial issues, the list goes on. Until they choose to unstick themselves (I had to do this myself), nothing will change. Until they choose to take responsibility for themselves and not another person, nothing will change. 

 

Now I am not saying you quit loving this person, talking to them or being their friend, what I am saying is there is nothing you can do to fix their situation. Only they can fix their situation. They have to want to fix it for them. Gently remind them of this. 

 

My advice to you as their friend is to listen but don't enable them, they are doing enough of that for themselves and the other person. In fact, they are enabling their entire circumstance most likely, I was. That was a hard pill for me to swallow once I realized it. Be there but don't be taken advantage of. When you realize they aren't listening to good advice, step away from offering it unless you are asked. 

 

The most important thing you can do for your friend, family member or partner is to pray for them. Many times they are trapped in something only God can show them the way out of. They are hurt and only God can heal those hurts, otherwise they wouldn't let someone continue to hurt them or take advantage of them. I know I was hurting and didn't even realize it until after Jeff died.  

 

I am thankful for all the prayers people prayed and are still praying for me. I have learned so much about myself. Afterall, that is what life is, a discovery of who God has really made us to be. 

 

To the one who is stuck, God has so much more for you than you realize. You are limiting who you can be by allowing someone to continue hurting and using you. They won't like it when you change what you allow in your life but that is okay. God is with you and He loves you. There is nothing He can't do or handle. You are in good Hands. 

 

Keep discovering and keep loving,

Beth 

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