Hello everyone! Happy Friday eve!
I want to talk today about finding you after abuse. When I say finding you, I mean finding the real you, the one the abuser tried to stifle and take from you. In every abuse situation or relationship, the abuser has the same goal – to destroy your sense of self-worth and your sense of identity. You do not exist to them as anything other than a slave – do not be deceived. They neither love you nor like you. Their goal is to destroy you. I can assure you the realization of these facts can be quite hurtful and shocking – I’ve been there. Yet, when a victim gets away from an abuser and becomes a survivor – how do they get their identity back? How do they find themselves again?
I can tell you from experience, the first thing you want to do as a survivor is surround yourself with your support system who helped you get out of that situation. These people love you and they will lift you up when you get down or are unsure about your next steps. They will walk with you when the going gets hard – whether that be in courtroom or in daily life. They are your comfort and your strength – let them love on you.
One of the next things I would advise a survivor to do is seek counseling for themselves. An objective third party will do wonders for your mind and emotions. You will learn how to feel again where you have closed off your feelings. Counselors will be able to show you how the abuser harmed you and why it is so important to deal with those hurts. They can also speak to things in you that you have not dealt with or that perhaps helped you to choose an abuser, without you even realizing it. ** I found this to be very true in my life – I was a people-pleaser extraordinaire and abusers look for those. Note I said was!
I encourage all survivors to make new friends and figure out what makes them tick again. Find you. Try a new hobby, travel somewhere new, learn a new skill – all of these learning opportunities will not only help you heal, they will help you deal with your emotions and face your abuser who inevitably will become your accuser. An abuser/accuser will not know what to do with a confident person, a person who knows their mind and who knows what they want. They were so used to you only wanting what they wanted and doing what they wanted. You will be their enigma, this is very good.
And last but not certainly not least, I want to suggest to all survivors of abuse that you find out who you are in Jesus Christ. I know that may sound strange but it is true. If you know who you are in Him, no one will ever be able to seduce you again the way an abuser seduced you. Your radar will be fully functioning and you will know evil when you see it. You will know who you really are and you will know your worth. You will not be afraid. How do you know who you are in Jesus Christ? You can find that in the New Testament of the Bible from the gospels to Revelation. I will close today with some verses so you will begin to see who you really are and why you do not have to put up with abuse and evil. In knowing who we are, we conquer even the hardest times and win the biggest battles in our lives.
Galatians 3:26, 28; I am a son/daughter of God and one with Christ Jesus.
Galatians 4:6, 7; I am an heir of God since I am a son/daughter of God.
John 15:15; I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 2:10; I am God’s workmanship (handiwork), created (born again) in Christ to do His work that He planned beforehand for me to do (he does not plan abuse nor sanction it).
Who dares to harm you, an heir, a son, a daughter, and friend of Jesus Christ?
I also want you to know what He has done for you so that you know he makes a way out for you.
Colossians 1:13; I have been delivered (rescued) from the domain of darkness (Satan’s rule) (your abuser’s rule) and transferred to the kingdom of Christ.
May you find yourself again in the light of love and in the light of Jesus Christ. His perfect love will cast out all if your fear.
**If you would like to know more of my story, see my book The Road Less Traveled: A Story of Love, Pain, Hope and Everything In-Between at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Audible.com and iTunes.