Today I wanted to talk about trust. I can personally speak to this because I have walked in distrust – longer than I cared to admit to myself at the time. Honestly, I believe God is still finishing his repair work on my trust mechanism where men are concerned - it is a process. As I learn to trust God more and more, I am learning He will send to me a man I can trust as well – a man after His heart.
How do we heal from trust issues of the heart? I am glad you asked!
First, we have to let go of the lies we are believing. Next, we have to allow Jesus to fill the places with love that were being damaged by those lies. Last but certainly not least, we have to examine where those lies created distrust and we have to let Jesus teach us how to trust again. I say all of this to say I am not giving you the “three easy steps to trusting.” We have too many “easy step” books and blogs in this world with no practical application – even in the Christian world and the church. Healing and learning to trust again takes heart work and allowing Jesus to show you your blind spots. This has not been easy for me after coming out of an abusive marriage. This will not be easy for you either but if you do the heart work and let Jesus do His part, you can trust and love again.
I realized at the end of 2018 and starting in 2019, I am finally at a point where I believe I could date again. I finally feel, after almost 5 years, I can learn to trust a man again. In order to do this, I have to give it another try right? I am actually ready to give it a try now. I will not rush into anything. I will do this with eyes wide open. I am not actively looking for a date. I will let Jesus take care of that while I continue to allow Him to work on my heart and my trust mechanism. I believe I can exercise my trust mechanism again. As I said before, this has been a process. I tried to date before this process was complete almost two years ago. Needless to say, that was a disaster! I still had pain I had not processed and lies I was still believing. I took that yuck into those relationships. Those lies were affecting my trust mechanism and my capacity to love in general. I did not do myself any good or the men I dated. I also chose men I would not have otherwise chosen – hurting men. We did not even want the same things out of our relationships. I was truly in the dark during that time. Do you see the problem here? Hurting people attract hurting people. Hurting people hurt people. Hurting people further damage their trust mechanism and the one of the person they are with at the time. I don’t blame the men I dated. I take responsibility for my own healing, my own pain, and my own distrust issues. They will have to take responsibility for their own yuck.
My heart and mind are in a much better place than they were two years ago. I am no longer believing the lies that hurt me, lies that were hardening my heart toward men in general – lies that had crept in, unnoticed. To look at me or talk to me at the time, you would not have guessed this but it was true. Ah what we hide in the dark corners of our hearts in an attempt to deal with our pain….yet, it doesn’t have to end there for us.
Jesus is filling up those hurt places with love. He is replacing lies with light and truth. He has shown me the truth about most men in this world - they are good and their intentions are good and honorable. I was even surrounded by good men at the time but the eyes of my heart could not see. I now see clearly. I actually want to trust again – before, I was just winging it and hoping it worked. I want to love again – before, I was “trying it on for size” and just hoping I got it right. I still had frozen places in my heart – Jesus had to show me that and I had to accept it. A frozen heart in part or otherwise cannot and will not love, nor can it trust. A frozen heart withdraws and isolates and eventually dies. I don’t want that for me or anyone reading this blog!
I want to encourage everyone reading this today to allow yourself the time to heal. I want you to examine your hearts and your minds. Is there anything there you do not recognize? Is there anything there you need to give to Jesus? Is your trust mechanism broken? Without it, you can’t love as you were intended to love. Who have you put your trust in? Are you a hurt person continuing to hurt people or attract hurt people as I was then? Allow Jesus to show you these things – allow His love and light to come into your heart and thaw it. I can promise you there is a peace, a grace, and a new perspective you have not known! You will never be the same and you will know what real love is – He is love and His love has already won for you!
Let Him carry you today and heal your heart – you are so worth it! You can learn to love and trust again!
1 Peter 5:7; Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
With much love and hope,