Hello everyone and happy Friday!
Today’s blog is personal. I’m writing today about mindsets as they pertain to relationships. How we enter a relationship in our own mind is everything. If we come into the relationships a healthy and whole with mindset of “this will be good for me”, and “we can love each other and grow together through anything”; you will most likely have a successful, long-term relationship (this does not apply to abusive relationships where you may be healthy but are ignoring obvious warning signs from the other person). If you go into a relationships with distrust and an unhealthy and broken mindset, “this is not going to work out” and “he/she is too this or too that”, “I don’t trust him/her” (and with no good reason), or “I don’t know about this”; then you can bet the relationship will be on the rocks in no time.
I went into two relationships in 2017 not quite healthy and with distrust. First, I went into those relationships from a broken place I was unaware of and believing things about myself that weren’t true. This was my responsibility, not the responsibility of the men I dated. Brokenness and lies will not help you pick the best people – you just pick other broken people who are believing lies too. These people do not make the best matches and neither do you. Not only was there brokenness and lies, there was my mindset of “I don’t think this will work out”, “he’s too this”, and “I’m not sure I can trust him.” You could not tell from the outside that is how I felt, but it was a definite the reality of my heart – oh what we try to hide from the world and smile anyway. Neither of those relationships worked out. I don’t blame the men, they were in their place in life and I was in mine. They were broken, I was broken. I have forgiven what I needed to forgive. I have also asked for forgiveness. Do you see the role mindsets, lies and brokenness play in relationships?
I decided in late 2017 to take a year and not date or pursue any relationship with a man. My year ended last month, December 2018. I have learned more about myself in that year, particularly the last 9 months, then I’ve learned since my late husband died in 2014. It’s not that I did not want to learn or had been dating since 2014 instead of dealing with grief and the leftover issues of abuse – I had been faithfully doing that since that time. I learned more because I was ready, it was time, and Jesus showed me I needed to take a step back for my own health – I had gotten off on the wrong track and allowed pain to go unhealed. Unhealed pain will send you down the wrong path with the wrong people every single time. No acceptations! I also learned in this year I needed to walk away from some things and other people who were not good for me – snakes disguised as friends. A year of stepping away has helped me to let go of lies, pain and allow Jesus to work on my trust mechanism. I’m not rushing into a new relationship, but look forward to who God will bring into my life at the right time – not in my time with me trying to help out. I have “helped out” enough in my life – a story for another blog.
I want to encourage all of my readers to be mindful of how and why they enter relationships – you can set yourself up for good or evil. Go into your relationships healthy and whole, not seeking for someone to complete you or help you ignore your pain. Jesus is the only One who can complete you – rest in His grace! Deal with your pain, deal with your brokenness, and deal with the lies you have believed – you will have better relationships for it. A whole, heathy person is a better partner - you deserve that and so do they!
Thankful for my wholeness and His grace,