Hello everyone. A more serious topic for today. I have been thinking about this off and on for awhile. I've even talked about it with friends. This may sound odd or even unfeeling but it is what it is and it is how I see things. I will not apologize for that. I could not deal with a constant reminder of him everyday, in the face of a child. It would be a constant reminder of what could not be, at least with him. I would always wonder, despite my best intentions, if some of his mental health problems would follow this child. I watched him spiral into a person I did not know, that was bad enough. I could not stand to see my own child do that too. I believe God sees everything and He knows what you can handle and what you can't. And of course choice is always a factor. I chose, well we chose not to have children immediately. I think he for one knew he would not be a good parent. I thank him for knowing this without ever voicing it. I now see that not as a missed opportunity but as a blessing in disguise. A child did not have to come into this world fatherless with the potential to have the same problems. Staring into "his face" everyday would have been too much for me. I sometimes wonder if I would have resented that child which would be awful or worse not wanted him or her, equally awful. No child deserves that. I suppose the manner in which my relationship ended has shaped this view. Yes I still believe children are a blessing and I want to adopt one and have one of my own one day. However, I also believe some relationships do not need children to complicate and stress an already complicated and stressful situation. God knew exactly what he was doing and without knowing it, so did we. A child deserves loving, stable parents. I would ask you if you can't provide that, please don't bring a child into your mess. You will only make the mess worse and hurt your child and that hurt can last for years. A child deserves better than that. If you have brought a child into a not-so-great situation, never fear and don't be discouraged; do your best and God will give you and your child the grace you both need. There is always grace and there is always healing.
I am simply advocating responsibility. It was responsibility that kept me and an innocent child from heartache. Responsibility isn't always easy but it is necessary. Just something to think about.
Until next time,