I mentioned yesterday how important peace was to me in my new home. My new home actually means Peace. I say that because my last home was far from peaceful in so many ways. My last home was chaotic and that is probably being kind. I will explain.
Chaos can come in many forms. It can be financial, physical, and emotional. In my last home, there were all three forms of chaos, in differing degrees, under the same roof. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a recipe for disaster. **My husband's untreated severe mental illness created a cycle of chaos and peace, more chaos than peace. His spending (financial chaos) was out of control because of biploar disorder. I could not keep up despite the fact that we made great money together. He hoarded and no matter how hard I tried our home was always cluttered (physical chaos). He was emotionally unstable in cycles and was abusive both emotionally and eventually physcially towards me (physical/emotional chaos) - again bipolar as well as PTSD and Borderline Personality disorder. I could count on a blow up of some kind in one of those areas about every 3 weeks. He was two people, a Jekyll and Hyde, a good man and a bad man; this will create alot of chaos. This made our home no haven. Not only was it tough to love him, it was tough to go home to him. I got to the point where I just wanted him to go away or me to just go away.** Chaos can change our thoughts and how we cope with situations and emotions. Chaos will take us to a breaking point. Are you or someone you know at this point?
After an experience like this, I can tell you, volatile relationships aren't peaceful and they never will be peaceful. If your relationship is not peaceful, your home won't be peaceful. Stop kidding yourself if you think otherwise or if you think you can provide a cozy enough home to change someone. I thought that very thing and it didn't work. I allowed this type of behavior and this type of chaos in my home in the name of changing someone who did not want to change or did not know how; maybe a little of both.
If these words can save one person from what I experienced then I've done my job. If these words can open the eyes of someone with these problems then I've done my job.
Now don't get me wrong, we all have disagreements in our relationships that can cause tension and perhaps a little chaos from time to time. The problem and the danger becomes when chaos is the norm instead of the exception. I will not go back to that kind of chaos, ever again. I will not tolerate that kind of chaos in my home, ever again. I have drawn my line in the sand.
When I moved into my apt home, I remember standing in the middle of the living room and saying outloud, "this will be a place of peace." And Peace is what it will be for me and for others. I also want my new home to be a place of joy, love and laughter. There is no room for chaos and confusion in my home, not anymore. Anyone or anything that represents chaos or confusion will not darken my front door. My home will be a place of financial peace, a place of emotional peace and a place of physical peace. My home is Peace because Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. Do you know the Prince of Peace?
I have moved from chaos to peace, it is very good and very healthy! What do you need to do to have a home full of peace? What changes do you or someone else need to make? I have a peaceful home, a haven. You can have a peaceful home, a haven too!
Living in Peace,
**You can read more about my marriage and what I have learned in my book The Road Less Traveled: A Story of Love, Hope, Pain and Everything In Between. My book is available at Amazon (paperback and digital), Barnes and Noble (paperback and digital), iTunes (digital), Audible.com (audio only); Kobo.com and the Kobo app, and Books A Million (BAM). In Canada, it is available at !ndigo.com; McNally Robinson Books and Russell Books.