Hello everyone! Yes you read that right, some connections and relationships cannot be salvaged.
I posted a video about this very same subject on my personal FB and book page two days ago. I also wanted to blog about it for those who may not be into listening to videos.
There are times in our relationships and/or connections, whichever you want to call them, that one must walk away. In fact, it would be quite dangerous and unhealthy not to walk away. There are some people who do not want our help nor do they know how to respond to love nor do they want to respond to love. These people only wish to suck the life out of you in any way they can. Yes, I know this may sound harsh but it is true. I was married to such a man. My late husband could not respond to love, he did not know how to love nor did he seek out how to do so beyond just trying to follow rules which he could not follow. He was abusive both verbally and eventually physically. He just about sucked the life out of me. He did not want to change and probably did not know how nor did he seek to know how. If I had continued in this relationship much longer, I would be dead. This relationship could not be salvaged or restored because he did not want that, all he wanted to do was manipulate and control me and others. He committed suicide and it would have been a homicide/suicide had I been there based on what a detective told me he found at the scene. This was not because of anything I had done, but because he had been mentally ill and had a victim mentality for so long he did not know what else to do. I did not want him to die as a result of this, but that was the choice he made.
There are some relationships you can't restore and God can't restore because the person does not want it and they will not give God a chance to do His work. They are simply getting more out of manipulation and control as they seek power over others than they are healing. This is terribly sad but very true. This was the case for my late husband.
I have been reading a book called Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk as well as Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich. These book offer good Biblical points on how to maintain and keep good relationships with good hearted people, but they do not address relationships with people who are not good hearted or who have serious emotional problems. Both of these books tell us to always move toward relationship. I can tell you there are some people you better run from and don't look back. You can't pursue a relationship or a connection with evil. You simply cannot. I think these books and many Christian relationship books miss on this point. These authors and pastors are good men and women who love God and others, please don't misunderstand me. I believe their books do not address such things because I do not believe they have ever dealt with anyone like that and they do not know how to address the issue. Yet our churches are full of people like I am talking about - severely hurting people who are continually hurting and even abusing other people. For this reason, I believe it is important to highlight this issue and give people the chance to choose healing and the chance to leave relationships that are unhealthy and/or dangerous. Some relationships cannot be salvaged because any attempt to do so could result in serious emotional and/or physical harm. Evil will not negotiate, evil will not give ground and you can find no common ground with evil either.
The last thing I want to point out is there is a difference between moving toward someone who demonstrates that they want to change and who is making the necessary adjustments to change and moving toward someone who is just telling you what they think you want to hear. An abuser is telling you what they think you want to hear and they do it well. They are just manipulating you. They usually have no intention to change although I believe anyone can change if they choose to.
I hope this blog will encourage someone who needs to get out of a dangerous relationship to get out. I hope it can also encourage someone who is an abuser to see they must change or all their relationships will end in failure and they will ultimately be alone because of their own actions. God loves both of you and He seeks to restore you if you will let Him.
If you would like to know more about my story, please see my book The Road Less Traveled: A Story of Love, Pain, Hope and Everything In Between. You can find it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes, Audible.com, Kobo.com and the Kobo app, BookHub, and Books A Million (BAM). In Canada, you can find it at !ndigo.com, McNally Robinson Books and Russell Books. Thank you!
Until next time,