What To Do When You Have Given Grace and Been Repaid with Evil Over and Over Again
I have not only seen the title of today's blog play out in my own life but I have also seen it recently play out in a friend's life. The ending is never good. People's choices can be very hurtful at times but we aren't responsible for other people's choices.
So what do you do when you give grace and someone continually returns evil to you? I blogged about this last year although I think I took a bit different angle. You can read about it in my blog, When You Have Done All You Can Do from October 2016.
Although I never believe grace is wasted when it is given, I do believe it can be wasted by the receiver. In other words, they neither know what to do with it nor do they wish to try and change based on the grace given to them.
Let's look at relationship as an example. Let's say you are the wife or husband of someone who has severe anger issues. You have tried to talk to this person and explain to them how their anger makes you feel in an attempt to get them to emphathize with you but they simply will not do so. They continue to get angry, even to the point of frightening you or your children with violent agression. They will not attend any counseling or talk to a trusted friend or paster about this problem. They expect you to "just deal with it." I can tell you right now you do not have to "just deal with it." "Just deal with it is code for "I don't want to be responsible for myself, my feelings or my actions so you are going to be responsible for me." Ladies and gentlmen that is a lie and you don't have to live that way. That is a dangerous and unhealthy way to live. It can harm you and your children emotionally and mentally. Yes, you may have to walk away from that relationship but it won't be because of you. You will have to walk away because the person you are in relationship with will not change and they continually repay grace with evil. I have been there, I had to walk away.
I walked away from a verbally, emotionally and what would soon be a physically abusive situation - not because I didn't love my late husband but because he could not accept or receive love or grace. He simply didn't know what to do with them and he was hurting me and us in the process. I also walked away for my own physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being. You can't fix people and if they will not change and let God and others help them, they give you no choice but to walk away from their evil. They are continually repaying grace with evil. God does not expect us to stay in that type of situation. As I have said before, Jesus and Paul knew when to walk away, when someone could not or would not receive what they had to say or do.
The answer to the question posed above is you walk away from people who will not change, do not want to change and continue to do evil towards you. Evil is poison. Evil is darkness. Evil will destroy you and your children and your children will learn that evil behavior is "normal." Unfortunately, the person doing the evil toward you has already learned that evil behavior is "normal" and they may have no intention of changing that or do not know how.
When you have given and given and given and given and all you get back is evil, evil, evil, it is time to re-evaluate what is important to you. It is time to re-evaluate if this relationship is good for you or if it is simply sucking the life out of you. Jesus and Paul did not let people suck the life out of them I assure you. You don't have to let evil suck the life out of you either. There are times you have to shake the dust off your feet and move on for your own well being. Remember, you are not responsible for other people's choices or actions. You are only responsible for you and your actions. You are only in control of you. Take back control where you need to and do not let evil run over you or suck the life out of you anymore. You are better than that and you are so much more valuable. If someone does not understand that, that is not your problem or your fault. God can deal with them and I assure you He will. Shake off the dust!
Do not allow yourself to be hurt anymore!
I will end this blog by speaking to the ones perpetuating evil in a relationship. If you are the one perpetuating evil in a relationship, I want you to ask yourself why? I also want to tell you that you do not have to be like the people who mistreated you, who hurt you; you can be better and do better - you just have to make a different choice. I will also tell you that if you do not turn from this, you will be very alone - something you are probably more afraid of than anything right now. I also want you to know that God always turns any evil around for good so anything you keep doing to your victim will not benefit you - you will be like a hamster spinning on his wheel. Most importantly, I want to tell you that God loves you just as He loves the one you are hurting but He does not love what you do and He will not justify it. He can help you change if you will but let Him!
Until next time,