Hello everyone!
Haven't we all known some wrong people in our lives? Those people that seem harmless on the surface but in many ways are not harmless at all? I know I have! The backbiters, those who never know what they want, the cruel, the selfish, and the list goes on.
What is it about these wrong people that both attract us to them and make us want to run away? I can tell you this, they have the ability of to deceive and manipulate. They are usually charming and likeable. They are also good liars. These wrong people have a way of making us feel bad about ourselves too, particularly after they have taken what they wanted from us and gone on their way.
How can we deal with the bad feelings and the hurt that wrong people cause us?
First, we start by acknowledging that we let them into our lives. We also acknowledge that we did that with good intentions. We are not bad people because we let the wrong person into our lives - we were just deceived. I can speak to this in my marriage to my late husband. He was the wrong person for me. I did not know everything about his background because he did not want me to. I loved him because I wanted to, not because of him. He ended up being very mentally ill and abusive. The fact that these were his problem was not at all my fault. I did nothing to cause them or provoke them. I was deceived. I came away from a relationship with a wrong peron feeling like I wasn't enough and wondering what was wrong with me. Of course those feelings were lies brought on by the behavior of another person - his behavior was not my responsibility. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me, I had been simply trying to survive and trying to love at the same time. That point leads me to the next thing we must acknowledge about the wrong people- we are not responsible for their behavior. They are completely responsible for their behavior.
The last thing we must acknowledge is that we are not the problem - the wrong person is the problem. They are the ones who are not responsible. They are the ones blaming everyone else for what is happening to them. They are the one who is selfish, or don't know what they want, or are cruel. They are making their own decisions that have nothing to do with us.
I have walked through two short-lived relationships since my husband passed away with the wrong men. I don't know if I was simply out of practice dating or simply gave the benefit of the doubt too much. These men were not bad men per say, but they were just not the right ones for me. They were also a bit deceptive in how they described their lives. It did not take me long to put two and two together for either of them - thanks to my last marriage. I came away from both of those relationships feeling again like something was wrong with me but this time the lie did not stick. I was not the one who had been deceptive. I was not the one who had been double minded. I had nothing to do with the decisions they made or did not make in regards to me. The only person I can control and manage is myself. The only person I can make decisions for is me.
I want to encourage any man or woman reading this blog, you are not the problem if you are dealing with the wrong person. You are not bad and you are not stupid. You do not have anything wrong with you and you are more than enough. You are lovable and likeable. You will never be able to get the wrong person in your life to see these things about you. Stop wasting your time with this person and make yourself available to people who really care about you. Stop going around the same bush, the same way and expecting different results. You are worth more than you know! Stop wasting your time and energy on someone who does not care or only wants you around for selfish gain.
We don't need those wrong people in our lives, they just want us to think we need them. In reality they are very insecure, miserable people and they want company. I, for one, will not oblige them anymore. I will pray for them but I will not oblige them.
Clean out your friend list of wrong people (and not just on Facebook) and watch how much more peaceful and confident your life can be! You will not regret it!
Showing the wrong people the door,
Elizabeth