Last Thursday I did an interview about my book on a wonderful Facebook live show called The Witty Show with Shonda Carter. One of the topics I talked about was people- pleasing. I had been a people-pleaser most of my life. I can actually remember thinking, "I just want everyone to be happy." What I really wanted was them to be happy with me. I never considered the cost. The basic problem with people pleasing is the only choices that matter to you are the ones that make another person happy. The choices that are good for you don't matter to you. The choices that could help you or could even save your life don't matter to you. When you are in people-pleasing mode, all you care about is another person's happiness with you.
I have to ask a few questions. How far will you take this? How far will you go to please another person? I will warn you, you are on a dangerous road. Are you willing to do something illegal or immoral to please someone? Are you willing to go against your personal beliefs to please someone? Those are questions we must ask ourselves! I can tell you for my part I overlooked many things with my late husband just to please him. I overlooked money mismanagment issues. I overlooked behavior towards me and others. I overlooked his laziness at home. I overlooked his unwillingness to get close to anyone. I overlooked many red flags and ignored warning bells in my head because I just wanted to be pleasing! There is a big difference between overlooking minor problems and overlooking major issues in a relationship. When you are in people-pleasing mode, as I was then, you overlook the big issues - the issues that must be dealt with in order for the relationship to survive. I just wanted to keep the peace. People-pleasers do that, they keep the peace, many times at any cost. You can't afford to keep the peace at any cost, particularly where evil is abounding. Peace will not reign were evil is at work.
I want to tell all the people-pleasers out there that you don't have to live that way. You don't have to keep the peace all the time or only consider another's happiness at the expense of your own sanity, safety or well-being. You are not a muppet on a string, you are free-thinking being with a mind, will and emotions of your own! You are your own person who can have an opinion and voice it! You are allowed to protect yourself and your family! God made you to be you so don't let someone else tell you differently! God did not make us to please people all the time. Do not sacrifice your beliefs and your self worth for someone who wants you to please them all the time. The truth is someone who expects you to do that does not care anything about you. They are only using you. Did I have to come to the conclusion that my husband was using me to some extent? Yes. Did I have to come to the conclusion that I was a people-pleaser? Yes, and thank God for good councelors! God has walked with me through these revelations and He has healed me. He can heal you too! He can show you how to not be a people-pleaser as well!
Are you tired of people-pleasing? I know I was! You can decide today to change this part of you life! I will never be a people-pleaser again! Why? I know Jesus loves me and I please him just for being me, no matter what. I don't have to work for it! You don't have to work for his love either! He loves you just the way you are! He accepts you just the way you are! He does not ask us to follow a bunch of rules or put conditions on His love, as many who want us to please them do. Come to Him! I have said this before, you will not be disappointed!
Matthew 11:28 NIV the words of Jesus: "Come to me, all you who are weary (with people-pleasing) and burdened (with people-pleasing), and I will give you rest.
(Phrases added for emphasis)
People-pleaser no more,