I know there are many women who read my blogs, many hurting women. Many of you have been hurt by men you thought you could trust, whether through abuse, infidelity, neglect, and the list goes on. I’ve been there, I understand those emotions and that pain. I also understand that sometimes or maybe all the time, you feel as though you can never trust another man again. It is not easy to trust again, especially when trust has been shattered by a partner or father figure. I am in a period right now where I am taking a break from any serious relationships with men and allowing myself to heal completely. I grieved for my late husband and then there was the “other stuff.” The stuff that I had not dealt with yet, the stuff that goes back further than his death - the stuff in our relationship – the “good stuff”, the “abuse stuff”, “my stuff” and the “trust stuff.” Ladies, you have to process all of this “stuff” or you will never be free and ready for a good relationship to come along. After all, do you want to take baggage from the last relationship into the next one? I know I don’t– that is not fair to the next man, the good man.
Ladies I want to tell you something – not all men are the same as the one who hurt you. All men are not our enemies – regardless of what man has chosen to be your enemy in the past. Not only have I seen good men, I know good men. I know good men who are partners to their spouses and encourage them in everything they do. I know good men who go the extra mile at home and at work because they want to. I know good men who would never hurt their partner physically, emotionally, mentally or sexually. I know good men who love their children and love their partners. I know good men who have overcome their own issues so that they don’t repeat the same patterns they saw growing up – so they don’t abuse, use and neglect. Ladies, I believe the majority of men are good and loving – it is the few that make the whole look bad – the few we have had the displeasure of knowing and trying to love.
I would ask you to “not throw the baby out with the bath water” as the old adage goes. In other words, do not believe that just because one man treated you very poorly that all men will treat you poorly. Many good men still exist. I would ask you to forgive, heal and to deal with the “stuff” of what you went through so that you can not only be ready when a good man does come along but so you don’t fall prey to bitterness. I am in this process myself. I would not ask you to do anything I am not willing to do. I will also say that I am in no way encouraging you to go out and get in a serious relationship if you are not ready or do not want to be in one right now. You will know when the time is right for you as will I. All men are not our enemies. You focus on forgiving, healing and dealing with the “stuff” of the past and God will take care of the rest. He is doing that for me and He will do it for you too! Your past is not your final end – it is the beginning of something new and very good! With much love and hope for your future and mine, Elizabeth