I know there are men who read my blogs, men who are hurting. Many of you have been hurt by women you thought you could trust, whether through abuse, infidelity, neglect, disrespect and the list goes on. I’ve been there on the other side of the equation, I understand many of those emotions and that pain. I also understand that sometimes or maybe all the time, you feel as though you can never trust another women again. It is not easy to trust again, especially when trust has been shattered by a partner or mother figure. I am in a period right now where I am taking a break from any serious relationships with men and allowing myself to heal completely. I grieved for my late husband and then there was the “other stuff.” The stuff that I had not dealt with yet, the stuff that goes back further than his death - the stuff in our relationship – the “good stuff”, the “abuse stuff”, “my stuff” and the “trust stuff.” Gentlemen, just as I am doing, you have to process all of this “stuff” or you will never be free and ready for a good relationship to come along. After all, do you want to take baggage from the last relationship into the next one? I know I don’t– that is not fair to the next man, the good man - and it won't be fair to the good woman either.
Gentlemen, I want to tell you something – not all women are the same as the one who hurt you. All women are not your enemies – regardless of what woman has chosen to be your enemy in the past. For my part, not only have I seen good women, I know good women. I know good women who are partners to their spouses and encourage them in everything they do. I know good women who go the extra mile at home and at work because they want to. I know good women who would never hurt their partner physically, emotionally, mentally or sexually. I know good women who love their children and love their partners. I know good women who have overcome their own issues so that they don’t repeat the same patterns they saw growing up – so they don’t abuse, use and neglect.
Gentlemen, I believe the majority of women are good and loving – it is the few that make the whole look bad – the few we have had the displeasure of knowing and trying to love. I would ask you to “not throw the baby out with the bath water” as the old adage goes. In other words, do not believe that just because one woman treated you very poorly that all women will treat you poorly. Many good women still exist. I would ask you to forgive, heal and to deal with the “stuff” of what you went through so that you can not only be ready when a good woman does come along but so you don’t fall prey to bitterness. I am in this process myself. I would not ask you to do anything I am not willing to do. I will also say that I am in no way encouraging you to go out and get in a serious relationship if you are not ready or do not want to be in one right now. You will know when the time is right for you. All women are not your enemies. You focus on forgiving, healing and dealing with the “stuff” of the past and God will take care of the rest. He is doing that for me and He will do it for you too! Your past is not your final end – it is the beginning of something new and very good!
With much love and hope for your future and mine, Elizabeth