Why Didn’t He Care For Me?
Today’s blog is a very personal one and was hard to write as well. I hope you will see my heart and the heart of God today – that is all I can ask for. On Wednesday evening, I was watching a short video on a group page I follow. This video was about a fictional man and his fictional wife. In the video, his wife is indifferent and ambivalent to him and he seeks advice from his father about what to do. His father wisely tells him that if he has not kept promises and has not shown that he cares over time, this may be the reason for her distance and ambivalence. The husband had to think about this and realized how many broken promises there were between them and non-caring actions on his part. He began to keep his word and be more caring. He saw a change in his wife as time went on and they were able to deal with their distance – a happy ending for this short video. What does this have to do with me you ask? Keep reading.
When the video ended, I sat there stunned. Little did I know it had reached a part of my heart that was deeply hurt. I put down my phone and burst into tears. Why did he not care of me God?! I wept there on my couch with my little kitten Arie sitting close to me as if to say, “It’s going to be okay mom.” In the silence of the house and with my weeping subsided, the Lord spoke to me quietly. Honestly, it was as if he was in the room with me embracing me in that moment – I believe he was. He told me that my late husband Jeff did all he could to care for me but it was not possible on that side – he had too much he had not given to the Father. He told me he had done the best he could. I will never forget what came next, “I have an always will care for you. I will send you a man who will care for you.” I cried. You may think I’m crazy when I say Jesus spoke to me but he did. He sounds like us a lot – he sounds like what we don’t want to accept a lot too. As I sat there wiping my tears, I realized what had just happened to me. The video had accessed a dormant place in my heart, a hurting place, a wounded place. Jesus had come to me in that moment and walked with me through that – he did not leave me alone with my pain. An amazing peace came over me – it is with me now as I write this blog. I had given him pain that I had buried in that part of my heart so no one could see it, yet this pain had most likely motivated me for the last five years. As I write this, I see where another facet of rejection had buried itself deep in my heart. Rejection has many faces, do not be deceived. But God had other plans and he used a group page of social media about relationships and marriage to do his work!
When I woke Thursday morning, there was something different about me –another wound is healing. My peace has increased – I can feel it. My heart is not the same as it was when I went to bed the night before. What little hook rejection had left in me is gone! I want to say I have never voiced this rejection before that night and now it is coming full circle as I write to you. I believe as the Lord has peeled back the layers of my heart in his gentle way, one by one, he has destroyed the last hold rejection had on me. I can do nothing but praise Him! Now I know that I know I am loved and have always been cared for – regardless of anyone else’s decisions or actions. Nothing can take that away from me! Nothing! I want to ask you today about your heart. What is it that you have not voiced? What are you hiding? What hold does rejection have on you? Look your pain in its face – head on. You don’t have to be afraid! God can handle it my friend. He can also heal it – completely and totally. He has always loved and cared for you and He always will – He will do for you what he did for me! Call out to Him! He will hear you and answer! He will come close to you as He came to me!
Psalm 34:18 NIV; The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Thank you Kenny and Shonda Carter for your FB group page on relationships and marriage. Thank you for that post! Continue to let Jesus use you both to help others face their pain and heal! And yes, Jesus can even use social media! Love, Elizabeth