This past weekend I learned something about disappointments. Disappointments unprocessed become wounds – deep hurtful wounds. I’ve had some disappointments in life, but I had never thought of them as capable of causing wounds or even resentment. God showed me otherwise – He even pinpointed my biggest disappointments – an unsuccessful marriage and disappointment in myself for believing lies that hurt me for so long. Little did I know those had become wounds in my heart – unspoken, unfelt and left to their own damaging devices. I think half the battle was admitting to myself as well as to Jesus that these were my big disappointments. The other half of the battle is, as you will see, is all His.
Yes, I had an unsuccessful marriage to a troubled man. Yes, that was disappointing an it came with much hurt. No, that does not mean marriage itself is disappointing entirely nor does it mean my next marriage will be such. I gave this disappointment to Jesus early Sunday morning. I gave him the hurt, the feelings, everything involved. I asked Him to make this disappointment an opportunity. I am writing this blog, so He’s already given me one opportunity to speak to others about this hurt I my life. I can’t wait to see what other opportunities He provides! Even if I don’t marry again, to help someone overcome hurt is the greatest opportunity we can be given! I am so thankful to be free of this disappointment! After all, I can’t move ahead if I’m stuck and I have too many good things to do to be stuck in what “might have been” or “should have been.” God wants us living in the here and now no in the “could” or “should.” In giving this to Jesus, I have gained joy!
As for being disappointed in myself, He showed me that every human being since the beginning of time has believe some lie. This was not unique to me nor is it unique to the human condition. We don’t know what we don’t know, and Jesus can’t heal what we aren’t ready to give up. He also showed me that people hold onto hurt, lies, unforgiveness, and resentment until they are ready to give them up and let Him heal them completely. Until then, we choose to suffer and bring on our own disappointment. I was ready to let him heal me completely and give him everything that went with that, including my own self-disappointment. How truly free I am now! It did not happen overnight – in fact it started last year, and it has continued this week– but the journey to this complete freedom has been well worth it. It wasn’t easy but it was better than staying hurt and stuck. He has again replaced disappointment with joy! He continues to fill the places that were full of hurt and pain with love! He continues to transform me! He continues to show me who I am and Who He is! Early this week, I continued this process and talked to Jesus about disappointments in past friendships. I gave those people and those relationship disappointments to Him. I have no ill will toward those people, and I did what I was supposed to do for the time I had with them. The rest if up to Jesus.
I want to encourage everyone reading this blog today – give your disappointments, your pain, your hurt, your insecurities, and your failures – give it all to Jesus and watch Him make you whole. He will truly give you gladness for mourning, beauty for ashes, and peace for despair! This is His promise! (Isaiah 61:3) Trust me, your healed self is much better (and healthier) than you hurt self. Come out into the Light! He calls for you! He loves you! Come and be free!