I had a great vacation and time of relaxation. I am ready for Fall book signings and getting my audio book for The Great Journey completed! You can keep up to date with all of the rest of the year’s happenings on my website at www.elizabethbillingsley.com, my Facebook book page at The Road Less Traveled by Elizabeth Billingsley (@wisdomswordsllc); my Instagram account, @wisdoms_words_llc; or my Twitter account at www.twitter.com/pianobeth1.
Today, I want to talk about victim mindset. Victim mindset can be very subtle or very apparent, it depends on the person and why they are using it. It comes from a place of unresolved pain in the heart of that person. Victim mindset is used to make others feel sorry for them, used to manipulate or control other people, and in some cases, used to continue to perpetuate evil against others or against themselves. Many with a victim mindset believe they are getting more out of being “victims” than being healed. In fact, many with this mindset will refuse to be healed. In their minds, they are reaping the benefits of their “victimhood” – whether that be money, attention, no personal accountability or responsibility, control, etc. You will find narcissists and those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) play the role of victim quite well. They perceive their rewards for staying hurt outweigh the good of being healed, and many of those around them give them good reason to. I was one such person who gave my late husband (diagnosed with BPD) a good reason to continue being the “victim.” I believed lies, allowed continued manipulation and control and for a time allowed the perpetuation of evil. This is a playground for someone with a victim mindset. In fact, it’s their perfect place to stay. My late husband refused to be healed because I was giving him everything he wanted – no responsibility, no accountability, no “No” in many areas, and no expectation that anything would change. Do you see what I’m getting at here? I was not responsible for his victim mindset. I was responsible for allowing him with his victim mindset to stick around. I finally said “enough” and “no” after 3 years of marriage and that was not soon enough! People with victim mindsets who perpetuate evil against themselves or others do a lot of damage to themselves and to their loved ones. It has taken me almost 5 years to come full circle. I have learned much about my late husband and about my own issues that caused me to allow someone like him into my life. Talk about eye opening! I am fully awake now and I recognize victim mindset when I see it now.
What about the person with the victim mindset? Does this mindset really serve them? I can tell you from the experience of living with this type of person that it serves them for a time, or so it seems. They are very deceptive so they can look intensely happy in their victimhood. It serves their own self-interest for awhile and then implodes on them. When I no longer decided to allow his victim mindset to control and manipulate me, he did not know what to do with himself. He not only imploded; he eventually chose to end his life. I am not saying all people with victim mindset will end their lives, my late husband had other issues as well. Nor am I saying I’m happy he chose to end his life. I wanted him to give up his victim mindset and heal, yet he chose not to. I am saying the victim mindset eventually destroys a person. It kills their relationships with friends, family and partners. It kills their sense of self-worth, their hopes and their dreams. It can even keep them in addiction, just ask any former alcoholic or drug addict who has lived that life and believed the lies of victimhood. It destroys their minds and their hearts. Victim mindset is a death sentence, even if it is not a physical death. I don’t think that is much of an incentive to having or keeping a victim mindset. However, people must want to change the way they think – that can’t be forced. There will be people who recognize their victim mindset and change it. There will be people who will choose to have it all their lives while it slowly kills them and everything they touch. The choice is up to each person.
Here is where I stand on victim mindsets. I do not have a victim mindset. I do not want a victim mindset. I will not tolerate a victim mindset in any of my relationships. Relationships with people with victim mindsets are draining and poison to your soul. I had to let someone go this past week because of their continued victim mindset. My prayer for that person is that they will choose to heal and let Jesus take the root of their pain. In the meantime, I do not need to be around them, nor do I want to be. I know that may sound harsh, but it is necessary to keep me mentally healthy and safe. I’ve made this decision a few times since my late husband’s death so making it again was not hard. I can promise you the more you separate yourself from victim mindset, the easier it becomes and the happier you are.
I want people to choose to heal. I want them to choose to stop perpetuating evil and I want them to choose life. I want to be around healing and healed people, and I want to help people who want to heal to find wholeness. However, if they don’t choose those things, I still have a choice as to what I will do with my life and time where they are concerned. I will choose to stay away from them. I will love them from a distance and pray for them, but I will not be a part of their lives because they are not safe people. We all still have a choice no matter what someone else is doing or saying. It is okay to be healthy and stay away from unsafe people. No one needs to give you permission to do these things, God built this protective mechanism into you. He has better things for you than people with victim mindsets. He has better things for you than the victim mindset you now have. He is and has all the life you need! He is and has a victor mindset for you today!
Turn away from victim mindsets today and turn toward a victor mindset! In a victor mindset (the mind of Christ), there is freedom, healing and an end to evil! In Jesus, you are the victor, not the victim. Victory is better than victimhood any day of the week! Living as a victor, Elizabeth