Emotional and Financial Security: What I've Learned
We as women want security. We want emotional and financial security. When we perceive those are absent, we want to change that. Sometimes in our quest to feel secure we do things that are really stupid and quite unhelpful. We either do it to ourselves or we allow someone to harm us. I know that seems harsh to some of you. However, it is also very real and honest. I am one of the women who has done some of the stupid amd unhelpful things to myself as well as let them be done to me so I can speak to this wholeheartedly.
In my early 20s, I did the stupid and unhelpful things to myself by getting into debt with credit cards. I wanted what I wanted and I thought I deserved to have what my parents had -very stupid, very bad decision making. I recovered my senses in my late 20s and got out of debt in my early 30s and started actully saving money.
I met my late husband, Jeff, when I was 33 years old. I was in really good financial and emotional shape. Five years later at the age of 38, that would not be the case. I allowed the stupid and unhelpful things to be done to me - I was simply trying to survive and in some cases I'm not even sure I was aware on the emotional spectrum what was happening to me.
He, because of illness and irresponsibility, nearly bankrupted me. He also hurt me very serioulsly emotionally. Despite all this, I believed the lie that I was more secure with him then without him. The reality was I may have loved him but he was never going to be able to provide any type of emotional or financial security because he had never learned how. After he died and after I began to heal financially and emotionally, I realized what I had done. I had been duped into thinking that my emotional and financial security rested with him. I think this can be a common misconception in marriage and we must guard against it.
The reality ladies is this - your emotional and financial security can never rest with a husband, boyfriend or fiance alone. God must be your final emotional and financial security anchor. Do good men want to provide us with financial and emotional security? Yes and there are many very responsible, loving men who do this well. I also believe that the majority of men want to do what is right by women in these areas.
I will also say that as a woman, you should not enter a serious relationship without being emotionally and financially secure yourself. Along with this, be sure about who you are getting involved with. Ask questions, listen and see if actions correlate with words. If you have alarms bells going off in your head, please listen to them! God gave us gut feelings for a reason.
Honestly, it would behoove both men and women to stay single until they figure out their emotional and financial security. You will be able to enter a serious relationship much stronger and that will be of benefit to both of you. Don't settle. God wants the best for you. Want the best for yourself.
I will leave you with a verse about Who is our true security as men and women:
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will remain secure and rest in the shadow of the Almighty [whose power no enemy can withstand]. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress,My God, in whom I trust [with great confidence, and on whom I rely]!”
Until next time,