Have you ever wondered why God made Eve from Adam's rib?
Allow me to start with the obvious. The ribs protect what part of our body? The heart and lungs among other things. From this, we can deduce Eve was created to protect something in Adam. What was she created to protect? His heart, only not his physical heart but his soulish heart (which includes part of his ego) - the part of him that loves and relates to his world including his significant other.
Why would it be so important to protect a man's heart? Believe it or not, their hearts (as their egos) are fragile. They are more easily broken and wounded than you think. They have just simply been taught not to talk about it and to pretend not to feel it. Gentlemen, it was never suppossed to be that way.
As women, we can protect their hearts in what we say and do, or we can break and damage their hearts in the same manner. We have more influence over them than sometimes even they or we are willing to admit. Many times, we as women use that influence to harm and get our own way, rather than to protect. I have been there and done that, as I'm sure many women have. The result is never pretty. This goes all the way back to the Garden, to Adam and Eve and the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
How do I protect his heart you may ask? Start by speaking life over him and speaking kindly, even if you are not happy with something that has been done or said. I am not saying to ignore dangerous behavior or behavior that will destroy a relationship, that is another subject for another day. In fact, I have covered much of that in my Speak to Darkness blog and other past blogs since last year.
I am saying meet him where he is and come to him with an understanding heart and mind and try to see his perspective. Speak respectfully, even if you don't feel like it. You may both agree to disagree but that can be done respectfully and without alot of drama.
Keep his confidence about your business as a couple. Keep the bedroom in the bedroom. A woman who tells everything about everything can't be trusted, not by her friends and not by her significant other. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you like to be humiliated because someone told your business and most likely didn't even tell the truth when they told the story?
Be honest. Honesty may be hard but you can accomplish alot more with honesty than you can secrecy. Secrecy breaks down trust. If he can't trust you, you have already wounded his heart. Period. I believe this goes both ways regardless of who is being secretive.
What about men who continue to let women hurt them? The short answer is these men don't know they can do better nor do they know they are worth being treated well. Just as bad relationship skills are learned, good relationship skills have to be learned and the bad ones unlearned. These men, not unlike some women, are fixers. Gentlemen, you can unlearn bad relationship habits - it is possible. You are worth being treated well because you were made and are loved by God. You deserve to be treated well by the women in your life. You do not have to fix everyone and everthing. Afterall, there are some people and things that can't be fixed except by God Himself. Take the pressure off yourself.
What about men who won't let a woman love them or protect their hearts? This one can be a bit more complicated. Men with father and mother issues have problems in this area, at least in my experience.I have been here with my late husband. For him, it was mental illness combined with learning bad relationship habits from his abusive father. My late husband's mother did not protect him from his abusive father so, technically, he learned bad relationship habits and coping from both parents. Also, men who have been in one bad relationship after another with women (mostly women who did not treat them well and did not deserve them) may also have problems with trust and relating to a loving person.
Ladies I can say for this type of man, watch and see. See if he is open to getting help and that he follows through with that. I firmly believe men who want help in this area can change how they relate to loved ones and do well. Men who do not want help or won't get help, will not change and will not relate well.
I will say this to women. If you are in a relationship with a man that will not get help for emotional or physical trauma, there may not be much you can do for him. Your relationship can suffer greatly and it may even put you at emotional or physical risk - consider the cost before continuing such a relationship. We were never designed to be doormats nor to be abused (that is for men and women alike). You can't fix him and you can't love him enough to make a deep seated soul issue go away - trust me I tried. As I mentioned earlier, there are some things and people only God can fix. I will also go as far to say that some things will only be restored if both people are willing to do what must be done. Fixing relationships by yourself is impossible. A relationship can't be restored with just God and one person of the two in the relationship. It will take all three of you (God, man and woman) for the relationship to be restored.
I would ask men and women to be honest with each other. No one will always get it right. Treat one another with respect and dignity - that will go a long way to protecting both partners. Speak kindly. Act kindly. Take responsibility when you mess up. Forgive. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Let God do the rest.
Until next time,