I don't post much on the weekend but I wanted to talk about relationship deal breakers briefly. I may go back and cover some of these topics in greater detail in later blogs as well. Some of these topics are also covered in my book The Road Less Traveled: A Story of Love, Pain, Hope and Everthing In Between.
Here is a list of relationship deal breakers that all of us might want to consider carefully. I also speak to each person in these types of situation as I cover a few of the topics:
1) Abuse of any kind/an abusive partner who won't get help: To the victim/survivor, emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse of any kind cannot be tolerated. You will lose your identity and you could lose your life. You can't help someone who does not want help. You can't fix them. Are you co-dependent if you are staying? What are you getting out of this relationship? Are you a people-pleaser or a fixer?
If you are the abuser, why do you do this? What is going on inside of you? Who hurt you?
2) Financial irresponsibility and an unwillingness to come to terms with this problem: Bad credit scores, huge debt, shady money dealings, multiple garnishments and delinquent taxes that are unpaid (as much as all of us hate taxes) are bad news. These are chronic signs of financial irresponsibility in someone. Run far away, run very far away or you may find yourself in a financial nightmare.
3) Infidelity/cheating with no remorse: If they don't want to acknowledge they made a mistake or don't care - run away as fast as you can. You can't help them and they could give you a disease.
If you are the cheater, why are you cheating?
4) Neglect of the relationship: Someone who does not spend time with you is not interested in getting to know you and may not be interested in a long term relationship. They may be unaware that a situation is preventing them from doing so or they may simply want something different than you and not know how to tell you. They may also be using you. Talk to the person first and see if anything changes. If the neglect continues, change the nature of the relationship for your own good.
5) Addictions the person is not willing to seek help for: Addiction is an all consuming problem for an addict. They will not be able to function normally in a relationship - everything is about their next high or their next buzz. They can ruin themselves and you financially. A person who genuinely seeks helps for addiciton will show change over time and will be able to beat the addiction. A person who is giving you lip service (as with an abuser or one who has been unfaithful with no remorse), will continue their destructive behavior in one form or another. Some addicts simply exchange one drug for fix for another. An addict who is serious about changing their life will reflect that change over time in all areas of their life.
For the person staying in this relationship if there is no change, I will ask you again, are you co-dependent? What are you getting out of this?
If you are the addict, what is it that you don't want to deal with emotionally? What are you trying to run from? Who hurt you?
As always, I welcome your thoughts and comments.
Until next time,