Hello everyone! Have you ever noticed how subtle manipulation can be? Some of the worst manipulation I’ve ever heard was on a podcast last week featuring a male writer and a female host. These two individuals were also a part of the Christian community. I am not here to question their Christianity. I am here to question and upend the manipulation used by the male that I heard loud and clear. I am also here to caution us, male and female alike. I wanted to pray and process before putting words on paper. I was so angry and shocked when I heard what he said that I had to listen to it three times to be sure I had heard him correctly. My heart goes out to the young women who was interviewing him. He took a book interview and turned it into a “prophetic encounter” with crocodile tears and all. She was the subject of the “prophesy.” Before I go any further into this writing, I want to say to my Christian audience that I believe in prophecy and in encouraging words in the right and place. However, what I do not agree with and will never tolerate is emotional and spiritual manipulation of a woman as a means of “prophecy.” I will explain, stay with me.
This is not a “blast this guy’s name and/or ministry and tell you how bad he is” kind of blog. God will deal with him so much better than I ever could so if you’re waiting for a name drop, I’ll have to disappoint you. My goal is to help all of us become aware of what emotional and spiritual manipulation looks like with pretty, seemingly scriptural words attached to it – and this guy has this type of manipulation down to an art, or so he thinks.
Imagine you are a mid to late 20s, single, adult woman with your own podcast and a dream to make a difference in the world with your talent as a podcaster and with your social media accounts. You are a devout Christian (and I believe this young woman was and is) and you have an older male writer on your podcast to find out what his book is about as it relates to relationships and Christianity. He appears to have a good reputation and a good reputation in how he treats women, so you have him come on your show. Sounds good, right?
Now imagine you are listening, and they are going along talking about the book and relationships. This young woman remarks that she is single, not looking, she is not needy and is content with her life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that for a Christian woman or any women to be honest. She no sooner gets those words out of her mouth and manipulative, condescending, demeaning words start coming out of his mouth in a very soft, cool, almost singsong, smooth tone: “You don’t think you need a husband? You don’t think you need a covering?” (I mean the thick “lay it on smooth” could have been cut with a knife) She literally freezes with her eyes wide open. I don’t think this woman knew what to say or even think. I can’t imagine what some of her female listeners were thinking who may have been in the same place in their lives. After a pause, she then says she is going to cry. Not to be outdone in the moment, he follows her statement with that same soft, cool, singsong, smooth tone: “You can’t fake yourself. This is why I came here to encourage you and cry with you.” (What the H… or maybe I should say what in H…!)
Did you catch what he did? Did you see how subtly he emotionally and spiritually manipulated her? Do you see how he also demeaned her value, her ability, and the ability of Jesus Christ (and God) as well? I want this to be very clear and there to be no confusion.
First, some are called to marry, others are not – look at the Apostle Paul’s writings in 1 Corinthians 7:7. Paul himself was not married and honestly wanted other Christians, men and women, to be single so they could focus on their callings. Marriage is not and was never intended to be an altar or a god.
Head coverings were a cultural phenomenon in Paul’s day and a part of both Roman and Jewish household and moral codes – women in 21st century America aren’t under Roman household or moral codes and Jewish cultural attitudes have changed in the 21st century. Paul wanted Christians to not upend the Roman or Jewish way of life in a way that was disrespectful to their neighbors or their laws, so he asked women to cover their heads. Scholars also believe women who did not cover their heads were considered prostitutes in that time and prostitutes were not treated well then as they are not today.
Men “covered” women in the Middle Ages in various ways such as financially and with marriage to keep them from being abused because laws provided them no rights and no sense of personhood - they were property. We are not in the Middle Ages nor are we in the church of the Middle Ages which was big on corruption and small on Christianity. We are not property, nor did God ever intend us to be!
Men and Women were created equal partners with equal worth in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:21-24 and Genesis 1:26-28), full stop! We may not be in Eden, but that is still God’s desire for all of us. He provided a way through His Son Jesus to redeem and set straight the relationship between men and women to that of equal partners again (Colossian 1:19-20). Jesus redeems and gives value to all people, men and women alike. Jesus heals and protects women (John 4, John 8:1-11, Luke 8:43-48). He does not demean their value. God did not make women incapable or stupid. A man can’t demean your value ladies and claim to “protect and love you” at the same time – those are complete opposites, and he is lying if he says otherwise.
Any attempt to explain these things or the scriptures that I have provided as “not quite right” or “you are just a feminist” or “you have a jezebel spirt” or some such other name calling (that is honestly not very creative) is just deflection and gaslighting by manipulators who know they can’t fool you and this is very upsetting to them. The continued success of their narrative depends on their ability to twist scripture, talk smoothly, and emotionally and spiritually manipulate their listeners and even their loved ones and the Church. Do not fall for it! Know what your Bible says! Know your worth! And know history as well. Ladies, whether you are a Christian or not - don’t be afraid to be smart and capable – men’s insecurities are their problems to work out in therapy and with self-reflection, they are not your problems.
Did I confront this man I am speaking about? Yes, I did so in a respectful manner.
When I kindly objected to his statements and attempted to explain why from a scriptural and historical basis as I have in this blog, I was attacked by his followers. He attempted to explain it away with more scripture, but I believe he quickly gathered he was not talking to a young woman, nor a woman that hung on his every word, nor a woman who didn’t know scripture. He went silent. Manipulators know when they can’t manipulate you, and they will go silent. I stepped away and prayed. I was furious that someone would use pretty, biblical words and smooth talk to manipulate a young woman on her own podcast and then try to manipulate me with the same nonsense. This man has a big following of men and women, and I honestly wonder how many of them he is simply manipulating. He does it so smoothly and he sounds so good, just like a serpent. His words are not true when it comes to marriage, women, or his perception of their value. It is possible he may be a man who terribly misunderstands scripture and is teaching serious error (and he is in error) in Christian circles because no one he trusts will correct him – he won’t be the first or the last – just read the New Testament books of Paul if you don’t believe me regarding the early Church and doctrinal error. Time will tell us the truth about this man. I can only pray he sees the truth and what he is doing to women before any more damage is done on another young woman’s podcast.
I will close with a warning. Be cautious about who you follow and listen to – pay attention to the subtle things they are saying. I have not always paid enough attention. Pay attention to everything they are saying, especially anyone professing to be “prophesying” or “speaking for Jesus”. Not everyone that comes wearing a cross or using the name of Jesus (or any name for God) is from Jesus nor do they know Him. There are wolves and snakes in disguise among the Flock and on your social media. They have no problem devouring or poisoning you. I want you to double-check the scripture I offer to you in my writings. Study it for yourself! I am not excused from scrutiny, nor would I expect to be. I will repeat my admonition I mentioned earlier: know you worth, know your Bible, and know your history. You can’t be deceived by smooth talk and pretty words if you are already well-acquainted with and filled with Truth.
Love,
Elizabeth
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