Have you ever wondered why someone quit talking to you or hanging out with you and you gave them no reason to do so? Until about 3 or so days ago this had always been an enigma to me. Trust me when I say I’ve not lost any sleep over it but I had always wondered what motivated that in others. The Lord showed me the other day when I was driving home from work exactly what motivates the sudden change in friendship or relationship if you will, barring they aren’t doing outright evil and you go your separate ways.
Some people, including those you consider friends, can only receive so much from you. They actually turn their receivers off on purpose or their pain will not allow them to receive any more love or friendship from you. Pain warps our view of people and their motives. Pain also looks for the negative or the thing we don’t agree with in that person. Pain affects our relationships on all levels including our perceptions of right and wrong. If someone who is in emotional, mental or spiritual pain turns off their love and friendship receptor toward you, it is not about you, it is about their pain. They are simply having a hard time perceiving you in a truthful manner. In fact, they may not be able to for quite some time until they deal with their pain. Pray for them and give them time. They will hopefully come around but don’t let them stop you from fulfilling your purpose if they don’t. God is faithful to send you other friends who can love you and walk beside you. This may also apply to a spouse who has stopped receiving love from you because of deep, unresolved pain. As with a friend, turn them over to Jesus and you keep walking in your purpose – with or without them.
Now why would someone purposely turn off their emotional receiver where you are concerned? Those answers are as varied as there are people and personalities. Feelings of jealousy, intimidation, or inferiority, a need to control another person, different interests, not interested in the truth, spiritual issues – these are only a few of the reasons. I have found there are people who simply can’t handle truth in love in any form. If they can’t do what they want, when they want, and treat you how they want, they aren’t interested in dealing with you. They are emotionally shallow and their ability to receive love is limited – again this many times goes back to pain or unmet expectations in relationships. I have found others simply don’t know what to do with me. I am my own person. I have my own opinions. I don’t fly any particular political flag (which really wigs some people out. I make up my own mind, and I do not tolerate evil in any of its subtle forms. In other words, I can’t be controlled. The inability to control you as person is one of the biggest reasons people will turn off their receivers to you. I will not be controlled so that is okay by me!
Another reason I want to address separately is seasons in relationships. Seasons in relationships can end just like the seasons on the earth end. Some people are only in your life for a season. They can only receive from you for a season. They are only meant to receive from you for a season. They are only meant to give into your life for a season. Keeping them around after their season is through only holds you and them back in life. I have always tried to end seasons in relationships on good terms but people will be people and they will not always allow you to – especially if they are trying to control you and hold on. When they try to control you or hold on – this is usually a sign they are attempting to use you to fix a problem or fill a void in their life you are not meant to fill or can’t fix. In this circumstance, the season needs to end abruptly. I have been there, it’s not my favorite thing to have to do but it was necessary for my overall good health.
I want to encourage everyone reading this blog to let Jesus direct you in your seasons of relationships. He knows who is best for you and who is out to get something from you. If you are not a Christian, watch the people around you. They will tell you by their words and actions when they are either finished with you or you need to be finished with them. We all deserve healthy relationships so pruning continues throughout life. Don’t be afraid to prune and don’t take it personally when you are pruned. It’s all part of walking in our purpose.
Keep loving, keep giving and keep walking in your purpose. The best is yet to come my friends!
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 2b, 3b, 5b, 6-7a ; There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven—A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted - A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together- Love, Elizabeth