Hello everyone! I have covered several topics related to wholeness this year on my Wisdom's Words LLC blog page. Bringing Home the Exiles (May 30th 2023), What's in a Name Series (July/August 2023), Saying “No” to the Expectations of the They's (August 21st, 2023), Freedom from Co-Dependency (September 2023) and Chasing Attention and Affection in All the Wrong Places (November 6th , 2023) are excellent places to start on the topic of wholeness and healing. I will be organizing my blogs by key words in the coming months so it will be easier to find the topics you are interested in or want to read going forward. I wanted to write today's blog to not only point you to where my journey started, but to tell you about an aspect of my healing journey I did not expect. This unexpected journey completely set me free. These last 3 weeks have been interesting to say the least, and probably the most peaceful weeks I've had in quite some time. I know exactly who I am and what I'm supposed to be focused on right now. I know exactly what purpose has been layed out for me, and I know exactly what I need to do to accomplish that purpose. I have made necessary changes in relationships, even when it hurt and was unpleasant. I have refocused my time on writing. I have refocused who I am spending my time with and what I am spending my time on as well. I can tell you with certainty this has upset people and it has upset plans – both my plans and their plans. I can tell you it has not been pleasant or fun for me or them at times (and it has even been sad) but it has all been necessary for my healing and to my purpose and goals moving forward into 2024. I am at complete peace in this new season, and even more; I am a whole, integrated person with a free soul. Freedom makes you dangerous, then again Jesus (nor freedom) aren't exactly safe. Let's jump right in, shall we?
October 2023 ended with changing some relationships in ways I did not intend. November 2023 started with identifying a long entrenched pattern I describe in my blog, Chasing Attention and Affection in all the Wrong Places. I encourage you to read that blog if you are stuck in a pattern you do not understand. You can be free too if you desire to be free. This is my desire for you.
I have spent the last two weeks including through this past weekend coming to terms with patterns (and ending said patterns), co-dependency (a long time coming), and what may seem strange to some of you, the role of Evil (the unexpected journey). I can tell you with certainty that Evil has had a much larger role in the background of my life for 25 or more years. For those of you who know my story, you know that abuse is definitely considered evil and you can identify that Evil was certainly involved in that time in my marriage. However, what you may not know is Evil has been strategically assaulting me since I was 5 years old. Some of you at this point are probably asking yourselves, “What on Earth does she mean?” I am glad you asked. Now I warn you, my answer may be troubling but I'm going to tell you just the same. I believe the same strategies have been used against many of you and you have unwittingly played into them as I did. Evil banks on the fact that we won't put two and two together, as I did, and end the assault on our lives. Evil is also banking on the fact that you don't really believe it exists, but I can assure you, it does. Evil is always scheming, always planning, always lying, and always looking for a way into your head and heart. Always. Evil does not care if you are a child or an adult, rich or poor, black, white, or brown. Evil is an equal opportunity harasser and destroyer. Evil had been trying to destroy me in various and sundry ways for 25 years. Note I used the word “had.” I used that word “had” because those assaults, harassment, and lies no longer apply to me or my life. I am off limits. Let me tell you how and why. Stay with me.
Before I go any further, this is not a concept I came up with by myself nor do I take credit for developing this practice. Adam Young, LCSW, Mdiv and the host of the The Place We Find Ourselves podcast, along with Cathy Loerzel, MA, and the Executive Vice President of the Allender Center at the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, discussed this topic on Mr. Young's podcast back in late 2019. I have been diving in and have been able to apply so much of this discussion to my own life and find real freedom in this practice. For those that would like to know more beyond this blog, please see The Place We Find Ourselves podcast on all major platforms starting with Episode 41.
What do I mean by breaking agreements? These are the persons, places, things, and Evil we have made unseen vows with in our lives. These agreements are usually based on lies or half truths and lies. These agreements usually start with an accusation or a curse that we believe about ourselves or a situation. Once we believe the accusation or curse, we actually make the agreement. Our belief is key here. Without belief, the accusation or curse doesn't get anywhere. Once we make the agreement, we usually make a vow of some sort. Once we make a vow, the person, situation, and/or evil has control over us for as long as we hold onto our vow and our belief system about that particular person, place, thing, or situation. Let me give you an example from my real life. My late husband called me “fat” in some form or fashion all the time. This is an abusive curse (all curses are abusive). When you hear things like this long enough, you start to agree with them because that is the nature of emotional and mental abuse, to break you down and give you names that don't belong to you. It was easier for me to agree than fight because I had no fight left. That relationship ended with his death. I was still in agreement with his abusive statements and I saw myself as “fat.” I even called myself “fat.” I can remember vowing that I would stay fat so no one else would harm me like he did. He was dead and he was still controlling me. The trauma of abuse was still controlling me. Do you see how this works?
We make subtle agreements with people, things, ideas, and evil all the time without even realizing it. I have realized I have done so since I was 5 years old. Evil in particular has no honor, so it has no issue with lying to children or getting another human to do its dirty work. In my own life, I realized I made agreements and vows with Evil, abusive language of all kinds, and my own wayward thoughts. By the way, not every thought you think is actually yours. Ponder that in the coming days. Who and what have you made agreements with in you life? Are those agreements hurting you or helping you? My agreements with abuse and Evil were hurting me emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. In fact, they had produced destructive patterns I've had to deal with for the last 25 years, until now. I wrote about one such pattern in last week's blog post. I have found it to be very liberating to finally find the source of my patterns and to heal from those patterns. I refuse to give Evil anymore control of my life. I refuse to give Evil anymore of my valuable time or resources. I refuse to give Evil my identity. You can find the source of your destructive patterns too. You can find yourself again. You can take back what others and Evil have stolen from you. You can finally heal. You can be free. Now I warn you, this kind of healing will cost you some relationships. This kind of healing will cost you your pride. This kind of healing will hurt for a time. but it will be well worth it. What do you choose? The same merry-go-round for the next 25 years or the alternative, healing and wholeness?
Finding a New Way
How exactly do you break agreements and vows? You name them and acknowledge they are there, no matter how painful. Once you name a thing, you can deal with it in your story. You separate yourself from those who expect you to keep the vows and agreements that are hurting you. You separate yourself from people who believe it is okay to use you, manipulate you, and/or control you. I will love someone from a distance and pray for them if their abuse or toxicity are center stage, they choose to harm me, they try to control and/or manipulate me, AND they will not repent. You take responsibility for yourself and you choose truth. You let others take responsibility for themselves - even when that means hard consequences for them because of their actions or feelings. This is a gift and an act of love to them, even if they don't see it yet. And most importantly, you choose to agree with God about who he says you are. He says you are loved no matter what! He chose you, no matter what! He is not afraid of you, your trauma, or your demons. He already knows you better than you know yourself. You do not embarrass him. He does not wish to be distant from you. When we choose to agree with God, there is no room for any other evil influence. He is Light. Evil and Light can't mix. There can be no agreement with the Evil when you have aligned with the Light. I know some of this may seem strange to some of you. I can assure you it is the truth. It is my truth and I have lived said truth. If your way isn't working, try something new. Don't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. That is literally insanity. Haven't you had enough of that for one lifetime? I know I have! You have nothing to lose but fear, self-hatred, anger, pain, suffering, and the exhausting, people-pleasing, hamster wheel of life that I will never entertain again. Find a new way! You and those you love are worth your healing and wholeness!
Roman 8:39b; ….neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
With much love and hope for your healing,
*I do not own the rights to any photos.